Resurrecting the 80's

A couple of weeks ago, I resurrected Taco's video for "Puttin on the Ritz." Thanks to YouTube, I can raise all sorts of songs from the dead. I give you "One Foot Back in Your Door" by Roman Holiday. Enjoy.

The New American Family

Tonight I enjoyed some dinner with my daughter at Posado's. On our way to the ice cream machine for some self-serve softserve, we passed by a family of five: two parents and three boys. I'm guessing the boy's ages ran from 7 to 12 or 13. So while the parents were eating and talking, the boys were all engaged with their Nintendo Gameboys. Just to be clear, these boys were not taking turns with one Gameboy. Each had their own!

What a wonderful family night out. Way to go mom and dad. You can pat yourselves on the back for getting everybody to the dinner table and spending some quality time together.

What A Pisser

VIENNA, Austria - An Austrian businessman announced Thursday that he would get rid of urinals shaped like a woman's mouth from a public toilet near Vienna's national opera, after facing pressure from politicians who demanded their removal.

The urinals, which are located in the "Opera Toilet," a lavishly decorated public restroom, feature thick, lipsticked lips, a set of teeth and a bright red tongue.

"We think that it's tasteless, misogynistic and offensive," Marianne Lackner, media spokeswoman for the Vienna Department of Women's Affairs told The Associated Press. (full article)

What's ironic is that these urinals have been in place for three years. Only now has somebody raised a stink about them.

This is a telling quote: "The thing that surprises us the most," Lackner said, "is that no man has ever said anything about this."

Tasteless? Yeah. Kinda. Misogynistic? Debatable. Offensive? I can see that.

So why do I want one?

Three Reasons Why I'm A Happy Hoosier

Gordon Commits to Hoosiers: Prize recruit breaks promise with Illinois, stays home
From SI.com:

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) -- Eric Gordon let his wardrobe and father do the talking Friday night. It was enough to whip an already excitable Hoosiers crowd into a frenzy.

As he walked across the Assembly Hall court dressed in a cream-and-crimson warmup suit, fans chanted his name, sought autographs and snapped photos after news spread that the state's top recruit was staying close to home.

Gordon backed out of his 11-month commitment to the Fighting Illini, giving Kelvin Sampson his first major victory of the season hours before the Hoosiers held their first official practice.

Eric Gordon is the number two-ranked recruit on Scouts.com and the number one guard. He was also the number one recruit coming out of Indiana. It was essential that IU land some in-state talent, a skill which eluded former coach Mike Davis. And one Davis left, Gordon felt Sampson and IU was the better match and allowed him to finally fulfill his dream.

Personally, I'll wait until November 8 when Gordon finally signs his name on the dotted line, but his verbal commitment to IU has fans dreaming of another national championship. I'm certainly dreaming of better things to come.

Indiana Shocks #15 Iowa
From ESPN.com:

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) -- Indiana waited nearly two decades to party like this. So why worry about another 20 seconds?

Players stormed the field and fireworks went off before the Hoosiers' biggest upset in almost 20 years was official, but there was nothing premature about Saturday's stunning 31-28 upset over No. 15 Iowa.

As officials spotted the ball for the final time, the scoreboard clock was at 22 seconds and with the Hawkeyes out of timeouts, all that remained was a celebration of the Hoosiers' biggest win since beating No. 9 Ohio State 31-10 on Oct. 10, 1987.

I got a chance to watch this game on ESPN2. I couldn't believe how into the game I was. Not since the bowl-bound days of the late 80's when I attended IU have I been this excited about a sport that traditionally has registered nothing more than intramural status in the minds of students. Now, with Coach Terry Hoeppner leading the way and a redshirt freshman running the show, the Hoosiers could be looking at it's first bowl game in more than a decade. The only hiccup could be the fact they lost to a Division I-AA opponent this season. But maybe, just maybe, IU will be the answer to a trivia question instead of having to wait yet another year for a bowl berth.

The Basketball Season Officially Started Saturday, October 14, 2006

From the Indiana Daily Student:

"I'm anxious to start practice tomorrow," Sampson said Friday night before he and his team took the floor. "When your season ends the previous year, you are at such a loss because you don't have a game to get ready for...I'm anxious to get started. (I'm) really excited about this team. I'm pleased with the way they've attacked preseason conditioning. These kids have worked hard, and they are going to work a whole lot harder starting tomorrow."

This is usually a great time of the year. However, with a new chapter of Hoosier basketball starting this year, I have mucho excitement and optimism heading into this season. But it's not all because of what I will get to see as a fan while watching the game. It's because of this:

But Sampson's not interested in the sounds of thousands of screaming fans inside his stadium. Not yet, anyway.

He's too excited about other sounds. Those of whistle blows, basketball dribbles and his players huffing and puffing in the quiet comfort of an Assembly Hall practice.

The Hoosiers are getting back to basics and playing hard-nosed basketball after six years of prima donna pampering. I would love to watch these practices now that Touch Every Line is the new team motto. And that's just for practice!

I must say that the state of Hoosier Nation is pretty good after such an eventful weekend.

Waking Up to Davis's Suckiness

I’ve dedicated a fair amount of blog space to criticizing former Indiana University head basketball coach Mike Davis. And for good reason--he sucked. But you don’t have to take my word for it anymore. Here’s a telling quote from junior guard A.J. Ratliff (emphasis mine):

From the Indianapolis Star:
Ratliff said the discipline is something IU lacked. Now it appears the days of stars like Bracey Wright or Marco Killingsworth doing whatever they please on the court are over.

“If Coach Sampson would have had a hold of Marco (Killingsworth), I think he would have been incredible,” Ratliff said. “But that was something last year’s team lacked, was discipline. Coach Sampson is heavy on that. He doesn’t care who you are. It could be D.J. (White), and he’s going to get on you. Last year, anybody could say anything and (former) coach (Mike) Davis might kick him out for a day, but he’d be back the next day. I think that’s different this year.”

Might kick the player out? Might???

Welcome back to the real world, guys. Just the title of the article ("Workouts wake up IU players") should put a nail in the coffin that was Mike Davis’s coaching ability. And it’s refreshing to see his former players waking up and throwing him under the bus after all the times he refused to accept any responsibility for his crappy coaching. Plus, Ratliff did it in a very tactful way. Bravo, A.J.

Midnight Madness starts tomorrow. The first official practice takes place the next day.

College basketball season is here, people. Life is good.

I Am Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

I'm a Dorky Child of the 80's

This morning, I’m cruising down the highway with the wind in my hair. It’s such a beautiful morning that the windows HAD to be down. I’ve got the radio cranked as high as it can go. I’m listening to Mix 102.9 as it’s playing hit from 1983.

Suddenly, Taco’s rendition of Irving Berlin’s Puttin' on the Ritz comes on. I’m ecstatic. If the radio could go louder, I would have cranked it even louder. I’m “singing” along with Taco. TACO!!

And still singing when I pull through the toll booth and stop at a traffic signal. The song conveniently ends right when I pull into my garage.

That was fun.

I’m such a dork. And proud of it.

The Daily Show as Substantive as Network News

It's no joke: IU study finds The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to be as substantive as network news:

"It is clearly a humor show, first and foremost," Fox said of Stewart's program. "But there is some substance on there, and in some cases, like John Edwards announcing his candidacy, the news is made on the show. You have real newsmakers coming on, and yes, sometimes the banter and questions get a little silly, but there is also substantive dialogue going on … It's a legitimate source of news."

This is where I go to get the straight poop on the hot button topics of the day. This is also where I go to laugh my ass off. It's win/win!

No Nudes Is Good News

If Texas isn't now officially the big, shiny, obnoxious belt buckle of the Bible Belt, it surely moved one notch closer with this load of crap.

From Truth Dig:

A fifth-grade teacher is out of a job after leading a class through an art museum in Dallas. One of her students saw nude art; the student's parent complained; the teacher is suspended. Even crazier: Local TV stations are blacking out Greek sculpture genitalia during newscasts.

Here's the link to the full New York Times article.

Although the tour had been approved by the principal, and the 89 students were accompanied by 4 other teachers, at least 12 parents and a museum docent, Ms. McGee said, she was called to the principal the next day and "bashed."

She later received a memorandum in which the principal, Nancy Lawson, wrote: "During a study trip that you planned for fifth graders, students were exposed to nude statues and other nude art representations." It cited additional complaints, which Ms. McGee has challenged.

The school board suspended her with pay on Sept. 22.

It just makes me want to poke the eyes out of the parents. Can't people, specifically conservative Christians, finally get a healthy view about human sexuality? Obviously, these people need to listen to a sermon by this guy.

Loosen up people. What's next? Banning children from viewing the Mona Lisa? I mean, look at how she's smiling. She was clearly up to no good.

Wost. Job. Ever.

I would say that Javalin Catcher is officially the worst job ever.

Getting Trashed then Trashing White Trash

Sounds like a bad country song, doesnt it. But it's the odd and oddly appropriate reality of the man considered by many Hoosiers as the next John Mellencamp. From the Indianapolis Star:

Henry Lee Summer, once considered the next big thing in rock from Indiana, was arrested after what authorities called an intoxicated drive through a Far-Eastside mobile home court.

So that's it then. Just bury my childhood now. It’s officially over. First, there was the 20th anniversary of my high school graduating class. Seeing everybody rejuvenated me, but also left painful reminders of how far removed I was from my teens.

Now Henry Lee done got himself arrested for driving crazy in a TRAILER PARK!!!

I'm in denial. Not Hollerin’ Hank! Not the hillbilly with healthiest vocal chords in rock-n-roll.

Shoot. Dang it. Double DANG IT.

This guy was blasting out of the cars of many a teenager during the early 80s. His rock/pop was danceable, rockable, and--not that I was doing it at the time--fuckable. I would see him any time he came to town at the under 18 “club” on the outskirts of town. When you got done attending a Henry Lee Summer concert, you were drenched with sweat, you voice was hoarse, and your ears were ringing. Henry was also easily the ugliest rocker I had seen at the time this side of Bob Dylan and Tom Petty.

And now he done got himself trashed and trashed up the homes of some trailer trash.

“What did he sing,” you might be asking? Did you ever hear a song called I Wish I Had a Girl (that walked like that)? Probably not. That was his biggest hit. He’s also on iTunes, amazingly enough. Be sure to check out the videos. It all just brings a tear to my eye.

So check this guy out:

• Official Web Site
• VH1 Page
• Just check out his hair (oh, those wacky 80s hair dos)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to dress in black and have a wake. I think there’s some beer in the fridge. Although, I may need something stronger: A Blizzard. A LARGE one.

You can have your Cajun queens
Down in New Orleans
And take the movie stars
Who drive impress me more cars

Take your high class show and tell
Don`t need no modern day Jezebel
All I want, ain`t no lie
Check it out, Leroy
They breeze by

Wish I had a girl who walked like that, ooh, yeah
Wish I had that girl, uh huh
Wish I had a girl who walked like that, yeah
Wish I had that girl, yeah

And the Spork Shall Rise Again

The Spork will rise from ashes and once again soar through the blogosphere.

Not that anybody really cares.

Disney Loses Its Appetite for Happy Meal Tie-Ins - Los Angeles Times

Disney Loses Its Appetite for Happy Meal Tie-Ins - Los Angeles Times

Kudos to Disney for taking this step.

Time Will Tell for Davis

I've been bashing Mike Davis for some time now, especially when decided to play the part of the IU basketball messiah and resign under the guise of "uniting" the program with the fans. I've ripped him several times times here, here, and here.

Now that he's officially the new head coach of the University of Alabama-Birmingham, others outside of Hoosier Nation are taking notice of these things. The Birmingham News columnist Ray Melick has this to say:

Davis is also a better coach than he is often perceived. But is he a good fit for the program? That's the question UAB must answer.

With Davis, people who have worked with him and around him in the Big Ten keep going back to the same issue - emotional immaturity. One Big Ten basketball official said Davis was the most "immature" coach in Division I basketball, which is saying something when you consider the personality of most Division I coaches.

Davis wore his emotions on his sleeve, and it often interfered with the success of his program. Those emotions were visible in games when Davis couldn't let go of a bad call. When things went against him, he seemed to quit coaching in order to keep
complaining, and at times his teams seemed to quit with him.

Off the court, the whole world watched Davis live out a martyr complex as the coach Indiana didn't want. You know the old saying, "Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean everyone isn't out to get you?" While Davis did seem paranoid at times, there were also people at Indiana who did not want him to succeed.

But the main reason Davis finally left Indiana was not because people didn't want him to win, but because his teams didn't win enough, didn't play with a consistent effort, and people got tired of putting up with the brooding and pouting that Davis often did when he was questioned or second-guessed.

Bingo.

Time will tell if Davis turns out to be UAB's messiah or just another stop on his "Be Happy for Me, I'm a Martyr" tour. The locals have certainly welcomed him with open arms and waving palm fronds. Particularly C.M. Newton, Davis's form coach at Alabama:

"Mike's teams at Indiana ran," said C.M. Newton, who coached Davis as a freshman at Alabama. "Now they didn't play the full-court pressure that Mike Anderson's teams played, and he's more of a half-court defensive coach. His will be a fun type of game to watch, jam it inside and go inside-out."

Yeah, well good luck with Davis's style of basketball. We in Hoosier Nation still haven't figured out what the hell we were watching. But like a bad accident, I won't be able to resist checking on UAB. You know, just to make sure I was right about Davis.

Sushi Band-Aids and Other Fun Toys

Just go to Archie McPfee Toys, Gifts & Novelties and enjoy.



My personal favorite? The Jesus Playing Hoops Statue:



Jesus busts out the sky hook, an almost unstoppable move, especially when playing basketball against a couple of little kids. Let everyone know JC is the MVP of your team and place this 7" ceramic statue in your home or office.

Why Kelvin Sampson is the Wrong Man for IU

Here is a super funny blog post from Hoosier Insider blogger, Terry Hutchens about why Kelvin Sampson is not the right man for the IU coaching job.

The best coach available who wanted to come to Indiana University

Not the best way to describe somebody coming to coach your basketball team, but there it was in black and white:

It’s not a good sign when your new coach is described as if he were the last puppy left at the Humane Society. In the awe-uninspiring words delivered by former IU Alumni Association executive council member Keith Hedrick to the Journal-Gazette, Sampson, in athletic director Rick Greenspan’s mind, was “the best coach available who wanted to come to Indiana University.” You definitely want that quote on the cover of next year’s media guide.

Was hiring Kelvin Sampson the best Indiana could do? Did we not even ask all the sexy names out there: Calipari, Few, Beilin, Crean? Or worse—Did these guys turn us down? Turn a coaching job at friggin’ IU down? You just don’t do that…right?

My, how delusional Hoosier Nation must be. We actually believe our own hype that we’re one of the top five basketball schools in the country and that top-tier coaches would be knocking on our door, resumes in hand.

Apparently, we’re not. For starters, IU has one of the worst facilities on the planet. This will have to change. Assembly Hall needed to be demolished 10-years after it was built. It seemed old when I attended I.U. in the late 80’s. Secondly, the athletic department is financially strapped from years of mismanagement and buying out contracts of fired coaches. Third, we’ve sucked over the past 10 years except for that anomoly in 2002.

And fourth, some guy named Bobby Knight and all the stupidity that goes along with legacy. Exhibit number one:

"Greenspan obviously doesn't understand there's more to the tradition of IU basketball than winning basketball games," said Ted Kitchel, a forward on the 1981 national championship team. It's an absolute disgrace. I wouldn't hire that guy to coach my fifth-grade girls team. That guy is absolutely what we don't want at IU."

Who wants to coach in this guy’s ever-present shadow and deal with his rabid supporters?

Kelvin Sampson does.

What’s interesting about this hire is having to stop and think about it. It prevented an emotional reaction either way. For me anyway. Once the shock wore off I read and researched. I read articles written by haters (examples here, here, and here) and supporters (examples here, here, and here) alike. Jason Whitlock wrote a really good one that logically breaks down the hiring as opposed to somebody like Dick Vitale who just spews love and adoration about all things basketball unless it concerns IU not naming the floor at Asembly Hall after the General, Robert Montgomery Knight (just kiss him already, Dick. We all know you love the man.).

I also watched the press conference announcing Sampson as the new coach and listened to a post-conference audio interview of IU's Athletic Director, Rick Greenspan. So far, I like what I’ve read and heard from Sampson, and I’m comfortable with what’s going on with the NCAA violations.

The hiring of Kelvin Sampson has no sex. No sizzle. No wow factor. And maybe that’s what Hoosier Nation really needs right now. We’ve been bitching about results for three years. And throughout his career that’s exactly what Sampson has done—deliver results to the tune of nine straight 20-win seasons in a power conference with Juco transfers, castoffs, and kids of questionable character…and he did it at a football school. I’m salivating at the thought of what he can do with IU’s resources.

Welcome to Hoosier Nation, Coach. You’re one of us now—and I, for one, am glad.

Guilty as Charged

If this doesn't put the final nail in the coffin that was Barry Bond's Hall of Fame career, then we're all idiots.

Barry Bonds plans to sue the authors and publisher of a book that alleges the San Francisco Giants' slugger used steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.

Bonds' attorneys sent a letter Thursday to an agent for the authors of "Game of Shadows," alerting them of plans to sue the writers, publisher Gotham Books, the San Francisco Chronicle and Sports Illustrated, which published excerpts this month.

"Our client, Barry Bonds, will seek an ex parte application for a temporary restraining order against them, as well as Gotham Books/Penguin USA, Sports Illustrated Magazine and the San Francisco Chronicle," Alison Berry Wilkinson, an associate of Bonds' lead attorney, Michael Rains, wrote in the letter. "This injunctive action will be brought pursuant to California's Unfair Competition Law ... to obtain, in summary, disgorgement of any profits related to or derived from the publication and distribution of the book."

The letter, signed by Wilkinson was posted on the Chronicle's Web site. A hearing was tentatively scheduled for 11 a.m. Friday in San Francisco Superior Court.

"The reason we filed in the lawsuit in the simplest terms possible is to prevent the authors from promoting themselves and profiting from illegal conduct," Rains told The Associated Press on Thursday.

So instead of suing for libel or slander, Barry is suing because the authors obtained the truth illegally.

How much more of a smoking gun can there be?

Who is the Next IU Coach?

Terry Hutchens of the Indianapolis Star has presented a list of the top 10 coaching candidates for the Indiana Hoosiers. Here is his list with my comments included:

1. Mark Few (Gonzaga): He has name recognition, he's a winner and surely it would be easier to recruit players to Indiana than to Gonzaga. His record in seven years with the Zags is 188-40. His name frequently is tossed about, but this might be the job he couldn't turn down. A great choice. It's obvious the man can coach. What he has done at Gonzaga is remarkable. If given the resources of IU, what could he do?

2. Tom Crean (Marquette): He has Big Ten roots at Michigan State and proved he could recruit Indiana when he landed Richmond's Dominic James at Marquette. Crean would be a good face for the program, someone comfortable playing golf with alumni and entertaining at banquets. I wouldn't be disappointed if he was named coach.

3. Billy Gillispie (Texas A&M): He's the new hot name, and you can't discount his success at Texas A&M, a more difficult sell to recruits than IU. He also has Big Ten roots, coaching under Bill Self at Illinois. He's simply a hot name. He needs another year or two of success to be considered an option for a program like IU.

4. Randy Wittman (Orlando, NBA): Again, he would be the right face for the program. The primary concern is that he has never been a college coach or recruited at this level. Recruiting is a top concern, but maybe that's something he could hire an assistant to do. A candidate only an alumni from Wittman's era could love. He lacks coaching experience at the collegiate level. I'm not impressed, even if Mark Cuban is.

5. Alford (Iowa): Even with the disappointing end to the Hawkeyes' season, he has to be in the mix. He's the one guy with college coaching experience at the big-time Division I level who could reunite the fan base and get Indiana fans excited again. Missouri's interest in him could scuttle this scenario. He's out of the running. And I didn't want him anyway.

6. John Calipari (Memphis): It might be a difficult time for him to leave Memphis, but his name is well-known and he could immediately get Indiana back to the elite level. He could certainly make IU back into a major powerhouse. He's done everywhere he's gone. I'm not sure about his priorities about graduating players, though. For a program like IU, this is important.

7. Rick Barnes (Texas): It would be tough to leave that program, but the lure of being the showcase program and not the also-ran to the football team would have to at least be intriguing. The question? Money. I hadn't considered Barnes at all because of his success at Texas. But as stated above, is the lure of being the coach of a showcase program enough of a temptation to leave? I could see him here.

8. Karl Hobbs (George Washington): He's one of the hottest mid-major coaches after building the Colonials into a top-10 team this season. If not Indiana, another big-name school will be calling soon. Eh, another hot coach. He's had one good year that I'm aware of. If he's had a few years of success, then we can talk.

9. Billy Donovan (Florida): Some think he has his eyes on Kentucky if Tubby Smith leaves, but Indiana could give him pause. As may be the case in many of these situations, IU would have to make a serious commitment in terms of facilities. I would love to have Donovan. He's got it all. As stated above, though, Donovan going after a possible opening at Kentucky makes the most sense for him as he would get to stay in the SEC.

10. Brad Brownell (North Carolina-Wilmington): Hoosier native falls into the up-and-coming category. He grew up in Evansville, played on the same high school team as Calbert Cheaney and played college ball at DePauw. The question is: Could he compete for the job with the coaches on this list? No name recognition. No interest from IU. I'm not sure why this guy is even on the list.

Absent from this list is Mike Montgomery, the former Stanford head coach and current coach of the Golden State Warriors. I hope Mongomery is on IU's Athletic Director Rick Greenspan's short list. He made Stanford into a Pac 10 power and a perennial Sweet 16 team. He could probably be lured back into the college game if IU makes some needed upgrades to the facilities, which looked out of date when I attended IU in the late 80's.

My top candidates:

1. Mike Montgomery
2. Mark Few
3. Billy Donovan
4. Tom Crean
5. Rick Barnes

Greenspan is supposed to make his choice in April. I think I'm looking forward the reaction of Hoosier Nation as much as I am finding out who the coach will be.

Don't you love March Madness?

Why Johnny is Fat

It's bad enough that little Johnny has sneakers with built-in wheels so he doesn't have to walk completely across the mall on his way to food court to purchase fried cheese sticks, he can now cruise around the neighborhood on an electric skateboard. This latest fitness trend is brought to you by the fine folks at Exkate.

Fitness? Seriously. This was on display at the Super Show, the annual exhibition-celebration of the Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association held early this year in Orlando, Florida.

If this is what passes for fitness these days, you can bet that current obesity rates in our children will continue to rise.