The Most Fun You'll Have Preventing Prostate Cancer

I swear I'm not making this up. May is officially National Masturbation Month as designated by the fine folks at Good Vibrations.

At Good Vibrations, we know that sexual pleasure is a birthright and that masturbation is a powerful source of sexual gratification. Since practically everyone masturbates, but few people talk about it, we created National Masturbation Month, a month-long celebration recognizing the many ways we can pleasure ourselves.

One of the highlights of this month is the The Ninth National Masturbate-A-Thon Weekend. As the slogan says, it's your opportunity to get off for a good cause!

Between now and the end of May, ask people you know to sponsor you for every minute you'll masturbate during the Masturbate-A-Thon on May 27. After you masturbate for the cause, be sure to tell your friends how much money they helped raise.

I just can't seem myself running around the office with my Masturbate-A-Thon pledge sheet. In the belt buckle of the Bible Belt down here in Texas, I'm sure that sort of "deviant" behavior will be frowned upon. That could explain why so many people are so uptight around here. Besides, there are many health benefits to giving yourself some solo loving. One was detailed in a 2003 Australian study that found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

So the next time your significant other asks about what you did while she was away, you can confidently proclaim "prostate cancer prevention."