This Just In: Men Are Simple Creatures...DUH!

From the Department of the Blatantly Obvious: Males are simple creatures who simply want to get laid.

And now there is scientific proof:

Despite flash, males are simple creatures

Females evolve slower, but it's because they're more complex

The secret to why male organisms evolve faster than their female counterparts comes down to this: Males are simple creatures.

In nearly all species, males seem to ramp up glitzier garbs, more graceful dance moves and more melodic warbles in a never-ending vie to woo the best mates. Called sexual selection, the result is typically a showy male and a plain-Jane female. Evolution speeds along in the males compared to females.

The idea that males evolve more quickly than females has been around since 19th century biologist Charles Darwin observed the majesty of a peacock’s tail feather in comparison with those of the drab peahen.

How and why males exist in evolutionary overdrive despite carrying essentially the same genes as females has long puzzled scientists.

New research on fruit flies, detailed online last week in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, finds males have fewer genetic obstacles to prevent them from responding quickly to selection pressures in their environments.

"It’s because males are simpler," said lead author Marta Wayne, a zoologist at the University of Florida in Gainesville. "The mode of inheritance in males involves simpler genetic architecture that does not include as many interactions between genes as could be involved in female inheritance."

Need further proof? How about this new study by researchers at the University of Paris X-Nanterre that found that a woman's hair color influenced men's performance on general intelligence tests. Men who looked at photographs of blonde women scored lower on the tests than men shown images of brunettes and redheads.

Researchers discovered what might be called the “bimbo delusion” by studying men’s ability to complete general knowledge tests after exposure to different women. The academics found that men’s scores fell after they were shown pictures of blondes.

Further analysis convinced the team that, rather than simply being distracted by the flaxen hair, those who performed poorly had been unconsciously driven by social stereotypes to “think blonde”.

“This proves that people confronted with stereotypes generally behave in line with them,” said Thierry Meyer, joint author of the study and professor of social psychology at the University of Paris X-Nanterre. “In this case blondes have the potential to make people act in a dumber way, because they mimic the unconscious stereotype of the dumb blonde.”

But are men really "talking down" to blondes or is it something more sinister?

Michelle Collins, the blonde-haired former EastEnders actress, suspected the results were more to do with men’s approach to sex than intelligence. “I don’t think it’s to do with hair at all; it’s all about the breasts,” she said.

So let's recap: the rapid evolution and adaptation by males is all because we want to get laid--especially by blondes because we think they're easier to bed because they're stupid.

Eh, so be it. It's not like this is news to anybody, particularly women (although, somebody may need to spell it out for the blondes of the world. But be sure to use small words and brightly colored pictures. Maybe a flannelgraph will help.).