St. Patrick's Day Triathlon Race Report

Taken from my race report filed on Beginner Triathlete, my online training log.

Total Time = 1h 19m 58s
Overall Rank = 233/462
Age Group = 40-44
Age Group Rank = 30/40

Official age group results can be found here. You'll notice that I'm in the 40-44 age group even though I'm still a spry 39. USA Triathlon determines age based on how old you'll be by December 31 of a calendar year. Thus, I got to have a big FOUR-OH marked on my legs during the body marking.

Pre-race routine:
Rise and shine! 4:30 came awfully early. I didn't have a restful night's sleep. I was too excited. This was my first triathlon. Breakfast was two whole grain waffles with peanut butter and jelly. Kara and I packed up and hit the road.

Event warmup:
Most of my warmup was spent wandering around and taking in the sights and sounds. I got set up in the transition area. Got body marked. Checked out the pool. I eventually got around to some dynamic warmups and light jogging. I needed to check my right calf and left achilles. Both have been giving me trouble. The achilles pain was tolerable. The calf pain was gone. YES! I eventually got into race gear and moved inside the natatorium for some light pool warmups.

Swim
Comments:
I totally sucked today. The size of the pool got into my head. And once I got winded, my form went to pot. Still, only one person passed me so I must have decently seeded myself. I did pass the guy in front of me.

What would you do differently?:
I was the mental equivalent of a bowl of jelly. Once I got winded, the negative thoughts flew in. I need to work on my mental conditioning prior to the next pool swim. If 50 meter lanes can get to me, what will happen in an open swim? I want to swim at least once in a 50 meter pool prior to the next race. Also, I need to do some mental exercises to help me keep my rhythm and form.

Transition 1
Comments:
Much quicker and easier than I thought. I took my time, dried my feet, put on my socks and shoes and shirt and helmet. I stuffed some gel into my shorts, grabbed my glasses and headed to bike out.

What would you do differently?:
For now, nothing.

Bike
Comments:
I did much better than I expected on this. I went hard, attacked the hills, passed a few people and got passed by the elite. It was great. Except that my back tightened up. This has been a reoccurring problem due to, I think, an improper fitting. Other than that, I know I can go faster.

What would you do differently?:
Attack harder. Work my gears better. Work on my pedal technique.I need to hydrate better on this leg. I only drank half my water bottle. And I needed the electrolytes for the next leg.

Transition 2
Comments:
Same as before. Fast and easy. I dismounted in my shoes and jogged to my bike rack. Changing shoes was fast and easy. No issues.

What would you do differently?:
For now, nothing.

Run
Comments:
I started off fine. I didn't have the expected "brick" legs from riding so hard. I started off at what I thought was a gentle pace to get my running legs. About five minutes in, my calf completed seized up and caused me to stop running. On a scale of one to ten, this was about an eight. It hurt like a big dog. Stretching did no good. Cursing, I continued on with a limp walk. Then evolved into a limp run, which evolved into a run. I was surprised by my time and disappointed as well. I know I could have run much faster if not for the calf issue.

Best sign seen on the run course: "May your ex be jealous of your rock-hard body." I had to smile in spite of my pain at that one. Now THAT'S an Irish blessing.

What would you do differently?:
Nothing. I need to finish a run pain free first.

Post race
Warm down:
This involved mostly limping, cursing, and stretching.

What limited your ability to perform faster:
Mental issues in the pool. My right calf seizing up on the run.

Event comments:
I can't say enough good things about this race. This was a perfect first triathlon experience for me and my girlfriend. We both had a great time, were impressed by the level of assistance, the course, everything. I really loved the leprechaun pope (I hope to get a picture of him). He made a great emcee. I recommend the race and course to newbies, beginners, and even experts looking for a speed workout. This race totally SHAM-ROCKED!

Other highlights include getting beat by an 11-year old girl.

Cheezy Technique - Amazing Results

As much as I want to eat according to a sound nutritional plan and stay compliant, I struggle just like everybody else. In my weaker moments, I will engage in an internal dialog to justify eating a hamburger, high-GI carbs, or any kind of sweet (especially ice cream, my kryptonite).

But I may have found something that will help me. Ryan Andrews of the Precision Nutrition team writes about the "oh well" technique. Here it is in all its complicated glory:

You see, after learning which foods were on the plan and which were off the plan, each time he was presented with a food off the plan, instead of debating the merits of the food, instead of justifying "just one bite," instead of talking himself into a poor decision, he simply repeated the cheesy trigger phrase:

"Oh Well, it's not on my plan."

Then, with a shrug of the shoulders, he'd move on and busy himself with something else. An activity. A book. A conversation. His compliant food choices. Etc.

So that's it. As you can tell from the title of this post, which quotes the title of the article, Andrews thinks this a pretty "cheezy" technique. However:

This is one of the most powerful strategies I've ever found for helping folks make the right decisions day in and day out - both in the gym and at the dining table.

It allows folks to avoid the messy mental gymnastics and gives them a touchstone for remaining true to their real intentions and goals. Indeed, it helps us avoid the problem outlined in this quote...

"The reason most people fail instead of succeed is that they trade what they want most for what they want at the moment."

I love that last line. It exactly describes what happens to me when eat an unplanned sweets or snacks or indulge in crappy food choices when eating out. I settle for what I want at the moment.

I'm going to give the "oh well" technique a try and see if it works.

Tomorrow. And after I eat this cookie.

Now That's Irony: Abortions Highest Where Religion is Highest

Austin Cline at About.com has a nice analysis about an article first published in The Guardian.

Abortions Highest Where Religion is Highest
Given how opposition to legal abortion is almost entirely based on religious dogma, one might think that areas where belief in religious dogma is highest will be areas where abortion is lowest. That, however, is incorrect - abortion rates are highest in places where religiosity is highest but lowest in more secular areas. This is not an incidental correlation: not only does it disprove the popular idea that secularism destroys the moral values which oppose abortion, but it points to how religion itself can make demand for abortion higher.

While I'm not taking this as, if you'll excuse the expression, the end-all gospel, I will say that this is just another nail in the coffin of the "moral superiority" that is religion. The more religious leaders try to control their flocks, the worse things get.

Rocky Mountain High

This makes as much, if not more, sense than any explanation the bible gives:

Was Moses high on Mount Sinai? - Science- msnbc.com
“The thunder, lightning and blaring of a trumpet which the Book of Exodus says emanated from Mount Sinai could just have been the imaginings of a people in an “altered state of awareness,” Shanon hypothesized.

"In advanced forms of ayahuasca inebriation, the seeing of light is accompanied by profound religious and spiritual feelings,” Shanon wrote.

“On such occasions, one often feels that in seeing the light, one is encountering the ground of all Being ... many identify this power as God.”

A stoner party out in the middle of the desert? I don't even think Burning Man in its prime could top this.

Texas + Religion = Stupidity

Here are a couple of reasons why religion in Texas continues to f*** up this state.

From Newsweek:
Texas produces more carbon emissions than most countries, but the state government and business community don't seem too concerned.

Were the Lonestar State to secede from the union it would be the world's eighth-largest emitter of the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide, just behind Canada, with 630 million metric tons spewed into the atmosphere in 2005, according to new figures released this week by the U.S. government's Energy Information Administration. That's actually a reduction of 40 million metric tons since 2003, when Texas was the globe's seventh-largest CO₂ contributor. But even though the state is improving, Texas still outpaces the combined emissions of California and Pennsylvania, the states with the second- and third-highest CO₂ outputs.

And why does Texas continue to lead the nation in carbon emissions? It is the nation's leading producer of energy, and with more cattle and oil refineries than any other state, it is essentially America's power plant, gas pump and beef basket. That's well and good. However, it's Governor Rick Perry, a right-wing religious nut job who swallows everything his buddy President Bush feeds him, who continuously holds things back:

But to many Texans, environmental activism looks too much like big government threatening the state's business interests. Under Republican Gov. Rick Perry, Texas has dug in its heels when it comes to enacting any state initiatives aimed at cutting emissions or promoting efficiency. Perry publicly doubts that global warming is a manmade problem—something his predecessor George W. Bush has acknowledged—and pokes fun at those who do. Last year Perry remarked that Al Gore's mouth is the country's leading source of carbon dioxide, not Texas.

In another show of blind stupidity, there's a chance than a school board electron from the 11th District could elect a creation science supporter:

Board member Pat Hardy, R-Fort Worth, is being challenged in the GOP primary by Cleburne urologist Barney Maddox, a critic of the theory of evolution who calls it a "myth" on a creation science Web site and who once testified that Texas schoolchildren are "brainwashed" into believing in evolution.

PZ Meyers from Pharyngula sums this up nicely:

There's a school board election in District 11 of Texas that has a clear choice: Pat Hardy is the pro-science candidate, despite being a conservative, religious Baptist, while her opponent is a deranged lunatic who is quietly outspending her 12:1 while avoiding the public eye altogether. You do not want to vote for Barney Maddox — he is an "ill-informed nutcase".

Isn't this weird? Here in Minnesota, we're affected by the outcomes of local school board races in Texas — allowing ignorant, raving lunatics to make textbook decisions there is going to shape the choices we get to make here. So if you know any Texans, spread the word: Barney Maddox is bad news.

If he wins, I suppose that means Texas will be teaching kids crappy science who in turn, if they grow up to be scientists, will continue to ignore the issue of global warming because destroying Texas and the world will more quickly bring about the return of geezus.

It's okay to weep for us Texas. I won't mind. In fact, I'm about to do that myself.

UPDATE: Intelligence and reason won in the school board election! There's hope for this state yet.

OUCH!!

Arsenal say Eduardo "back in nine months"

Tough Times for Hoosier Fans

I didn't have the opportunity to watch what turned out to be a terrific game for the Hoosiers. But as luck would have it, they lost when Wisconsin's Brian Butch hit a lucky bank three with just a few ticks left on the clock. The boys at one of my favorite blogs, Inside the Hall, said it best:

The one good thing here? IU played well. This is two games in a row we can sit back and say: “Hey, we’re looking good, we’re finally coming around.” It’s just too bad it had to come in a loss. At home. The day it was announced Kelvin Sampson got slapped with major sanctions.

Here’s a sampling of columns put together by Chris Korman over at The Hoosier Scoop:

• Kravitz to IU: Time to get rid of slime (Bob Kravitz, Indianapolis Star)
• IU’s best action may be to suspend Sampson immediately (Pat Forde, ESPN)
• Serious allegations (Grant Wahl, Sports Illustrated)
• Goodbye to Sampson, IU’s good name (Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times)
• It maybe harsh, but Indiana needs to fire Sampson (John Rhode, The Oklahoman)
• Indiana coach Sampson on the brink (Skip Myslenski, Chicago Tribune)
• Indiana has no choice, it must fire Sampson — now (Gregg Doyel, CBS)
• Sampson’s blatant disregard for rules may cost him (Jeff Googman, Fox Sports)
• Allegations of violations upset former Hoosiers (Mark Schlabach, ESPN)

Throw in the passing of Terry Hoeppner prior to the 2007 football season and you have the makings for a really tough year for Hoosier fans. Hope, optimism, and dreams of post season success have been replaced by tragedy, mourning, and feelings of betrayal, anger, and disgust.

Thanks Kelvin Sampson. We can indeed hear you now.

Too bad all you seem to be saying are lies. Time for you to go. But thanks for turning D.J. White into at beast. I can at least give you credit for that.

Looking Good for Jesus

It's wonderful when blog posts simply write themselves.

From MSNBC: SINGAPORE - A cosmetics range with cheeky taglines that extolled the virtues of "Looking Good for Jesus" has been pulled from stores in Singapore after some Roman Catholics complained the items were disrespectful, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

Promising to "Redeem your reputation and more," the product line included a "virtuous vanilla"-flavored lip balm and a "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream, as well as bags and other items sold by British retailer Topshop and produced by Blue Q, The Straits Times said.

[snip]

On the packaging of one of the products, Jesus, wearing a bright white robe, looks heavenward while a blonde, heavily made-up woman with an arm draped across his shoulder gazes dreamily at his face.

So how does one go about redeeming one's reputation? It's easier than you think.

This is great. No more boring and embarrassing trips the confessional. Simply apply the virtuous lip balm and think pure thoughts...well, until the next hot date. Unfortunately, this kit doesn't put an END to sinning. It just takes the edge off of it. No wonder the word "Repeat" is in bold, red letters.

Starbucks Irony

Here's an amusing Starbucks post by Cassandra Forsythe over at the Female Fitness and Nutrition Scientist blog.

While I was in line waiting to order, I noticed the most ironic advertisement. Right there behind the counter on the Coffee of the Day sign was the following statement: "Try our new SKINNY lattes and have it with our warm cinnamon swirl muffin!"

I need to see if any Starbucks in my area have this bit of silliness posted in their stores. I had my own internal struggle with some irony that finally led me to stop having whipped cream with my NONFAT mocha. It's bad enough that I add peppermint syrup.

Don't Buy an iPhone If...

I asked a guy in the locker room today about his iPhone. He said it's a piece of junk. And here's why. First, there's no warranty. I can't verify that, but I'll take his word for it. Usually with Apple you HAVE to buy an extended warranty if you want any help with your product past the initial 90 days. It's a rip, but that's what they do. In this case, it's $69.

Second, he complained about how sensitive the touch screen is. Even with the protective case on, he's been "busted several times" when he's with a lady and the phone activates. He makes out with a gal, his phone calls another so one of his other lady friends can hear what he's doing with his current lady friend. His advice to me? "Don't buy an iPhone if you're dating more than one girl."

I swear I'm not making this up. He then proceeds to use his sucky iPhone to talk with what appeared to be one of his unhappy lady friends. And he emphasized to her over the phone that she is indeed "just a friend."



I still want one. It just costs too much for me.

3: The Number of the Beast

This is D.J. White. He is now officially a beast after his beastly performance against Ohio State last night.

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Ohio State officials called for "white out" conditions for Sunday's game against Indiana, asking fans to wear white.

Indiana countered with D.J. White.

The IU senior forward had a double-double in the first half and finished with 21 points and 13 rebounds as No. 14 Indiana posted its second Big Ten road victory in four days, beating Ohio State 59-53 before a sellout crowd of 19,049 at Value City Arena.

White's 15th double-double in 23 games included 10-of-15 shooting, six offensive rebounds, two blocks and a steal. He played the entire game.

"I was just playing hard," White said. "From watching film, I knew we'd have a chance to get offensive rebounds. So that's what I did when the ball went up. I went for the offensive rebounds."

Eric Gordon may be the superstar of this year's team, a title he rightly deserves. But this is D.J. White's team and night after night he shows why. He's the most consistent, most aggressive, and most enthusiastic. This team rises and falls with D.J. Gordon is the superstar. White is the MVB: Most Valuable Beast.

Great Chess Player. Great Movie.

Bobby Fischer, outspoken ex-chess champion, dies of kidney failure

From ESPN: REYKJAVIK, Iceland -- Bobby Fischer, the reclusive chess genius who became a Cold War hero by dethroning the Soviet world champion in 1972 and later renounced his American citizenship, has died. He was 64.

The article does a good job of explaining Fischer's eccentric life, but if you want to get a different take on the man, I highly recommend the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer. If you're not a chess fan, that's okay. It's more than that. I may have to break out the VCR this weekend and watch it.

At Least the Hoosiers Won

This was not a good weekend to be a fan of the Indianapolis Colts and the Dallas Cowboys. Both teams suffered humiliating defeats on their home turf.

First, the Colts returned to their old playoff ways to go one-and-done in their final game at the RCA Dome.

• Chargers stun Colts, will face Patriots in AFC title game (ESPN.com)
• Errors, poor play doom Colts in Dome's finale (IndyStar.com)
• Minus L.T. and Rivers, Chargers Stun Colts (SI.com)

I didn't get to watch much of the game, but from what my buddy Jonathan tells me, the Colts deserved to lose. I hope last year's Super Bowl victory wasn't an aberration. I want to be confident that the Colts have a shot at making the Super Bowl each year without having to worry about choking in the playoffs. I was confidently looking forward to the Colts playing the Patriots is what could have been the best AFC Championship game ever. Now, we're all stuck with watching the Chargers getting their asses whooped. Then again, I assumed that would happen against the Colts. Shows what I know.

Speaking of playoff futility, let's move our attention to the hometown team of the Dallas Cowboys. I was worried about this game from the start, thinking that any upsets that occurred this weekend would happen in the NFC. I was half right (unfortunately).


Da Boys extended their postseason futility by collecting NFL record-tying sixth straight postseason loss. At home. Against the Giants.

• Another Dallas Cowboys season ends on sour note (Dallasnews.com)
• Dallas Cowboys exit playoffs with 21-17 loss (Dallasnews.com)
• Cowboys fall short on last effort as Giants move on to face Packers (ESPN.com)

Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. The Giants wanted this game more. I guess there's always next year to look forward to. But Decembers have not been kind to the Cowboys the past few years. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and having them dashed over and over with uninspired play. It was a great season for the Cowboys. But what a disappointing way to have it end.

But at least my Hoosiers won.

Remember These Guys?

They're only the defending Super Bowl champions. From MSNBC:

Yes, it’ll be quite a weekend with New England, Green Bay and Dallas in action. All the great teams are ready to make their Super Bowl push. New England, Green Bay and Dallas. All the great teams in the NFL. Is there a team missing?

Oh, that’s right, the Indianapolis Colts.

Oh, those Colts. The defending Super Bowl champs led by former league MVP Peyton Manning and current defensive player of the year Bob Sanders.

Will Indianapolis breeze through San Diego and then conquer New England?

Maybe not, but they could and they won’t be scared. And they should be remembered. This is your Super Bowl champion and they haven’t gone anywhere yet. While others are basking in the glow of the playoffs, the forgotten Colts are shining their Lombardi Trophy and quietly preparing for another run at a ring.

Actually, I hope the Colts are overlooked. That will make their victory over the Patriots in the AFC Championship game even sweeter. Go Colts!

Unlucky #13

Cowboys Defeat Hoosiers in Insight Bowl

I wasn't expecting the Hoosiers to win, but I was h0ping for a closer game. I didn't watch it and, in a way, I'm glad I didn't. All I need to know is that IU put up some points in the second half and hopefully created some momentum for next year.

"We dug ourselves a big hole but we played much better in the second half," [Head coach Bill] Lynch said. "I was really proud of our guys the way they came back in the second half and kept battling."

I expect the Hoosiers to battle next year. And that may be enough to fully convert me to a full-fledged IU football fan. The spirit of Coach Hoep was honored this year. Let's see what they can do next year without a tragedy to distract them.

GO HOOSIERS.

"Stray bullets change lives ... sometimes in a very tragic way,"

Semi humorous headline from my local news paper: Dallas police, officials discourage random gunfire.

As opposed to thought out gunfire?

But this is kinda scary too, but in a cool, high tech sort of way:

The city is also reviewing new gunshot detection technology. The machines, which are in use in Washington, D.C., and Chicago, are able to detect gunfire and pinpoint its location.

Big city life has it's high points and low points. This would be a low point. Have a happy and SAFE New Year's eve.

Lucky #13

Indiana Selected to Play in the Insight Bowl

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. - Indiana University has been selected to play in the Insight Bowl, IU Director of Athletics Rick Greenspan and Insight Bowl Chairman Dick Stemple announced on Sunday evening. The Hoosiers (7-5, 3-5 Big Ten) will face Oklahoma State (6-6, 4-4 Big 12) on Monday, Dec. 31.

IU will be making its ninth bowl appearance and its first since the 1993 Independence Bowl. Kickoff is set for 3:30 p.m. MST/5:30 p.m. EST in Tempe, Ariz. The game will be played at Sun Devil Stadium (73,752) and will air on the NFL Network.

"I was delighted to learn that our football team has been selected to play in the Insight Bowl," Indiana University President Michael McRobbie said. "Coach Lynch and our players persevered through a season of unique challenges and, with strong support from our fans, achieved their goal to `play 13.' As we strive for excellence in all things at IU, this achievement is a point of significant pride for all of us."

Congratulations, Hoosiers. What a great way to honor Coach Hoep's memory and brief legacy by making a bowl game. The kick in the gut is that the game will be broadcast on the NFL Network, which is unavailable to about 70% of the households in the country. I do believe Indiana is very much a cable company stronghold. I hope a local station gets to simulcast the game. That happened here in Dallas for the Cowboys/Packers game. Go Hoosiers!!

Here's the kick that got us to number 13.

Another Casualty of the Obesity Crisis

It appears that the world is getting too big for the It's a Small Word ride at Disneyland:

Heavier-than-anticipated loads have been causing the boats to come to a standstill in two different spots, allowing for an extra-long gander at the Canadian Mounties and the Scandinavian geese, said Al Lutz, whose website MiceAge first reported the refurbishment plans.

"If these boats get stuck . . . they have to send someone back in there to lighten the load on the boat," said Lutz, who has been on the ride when a guest or two was asked to disembark.

"They've even built a platform next to that [Mounties] curve because they've had so many problems."

Disneyland plans to add an inch of depth to the water channel and design more-buoyant boats, Lutz said.

Of course, it's not the expanding waist lines of Americans and tourists. It's the "layers and layers of fiberglass have built up where maintenance teams have patched and re-patched problem areas, said Disneyland Resort spokesman Bob Tucker."

Layers of fiberglass. Riiiight. That would explain the need to redesign many of its costumes and to start stocking them in larger sizes to accommodate ever-expanding waistlines of the cast members (Disney doesn't have employees. They're called cast members. It's all a big show, you know?).

But here is the insult that gets added to the injury:

So when somebody gets booted from the boat, Lutz said, Disneyland ride operators make sure the guests don't leave disappointed: They hand them a food ticket.

Overweight tourists getting free food tickets? At the rate the world is growing these days, it will be a large world, after all.

Sounds like it's time to head over to The Little Land of Duff ride where allowances for extra weight are built into the ride's design. But then there's that song.

This Just In: Men Are Simple Creatures...DUH!

From the Department of the Blatantly Obvious: Males are simple creatures who simply want to get laid.

And now there is scientific proof:

Despite flash, males are simple creatures

Females evolve slower, but it's because they're more complex

The secret to why male organisms evolve faster than their female counterparts comes down to this: Males are simple creatures.

In nearly all species, males seem to ramp up glitzier garbs, more graceful dance moves and more melodic warbles in a never-ending vie to woo the best mates. Called sexual selection, the result is typically a showy male and a plain-Jane female. Evolution speeds along in the males compared to females.

The idea that males evolve more quickly than females has been around since 19th century biologist Charles Darwin observed the majesty of a peacock’s tail feather in comparison with those of the drab peahen.

How and why males exist in evolutionary overdrive despite carrying essentially the same genes as females has long puzzled scientists.

New research on fruit flies, detailed online last week in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, finds males have fewer genetic obstacles to prevent them from responding quickly to selection pressures in their environments.

"It’s because males are simpler," said lead author Marta Wayne, a zoologist at the University of Florida in Gainesville. "The mode of inheritance in males involves simpler genetic architecture that does not include as many interactions between genes as could be involved in female inheritance."

Need further proof? How about this new study by researchers at the University of Paris X-Nanterre that found that a woman's hair color influenced men's performance on general intelligence tests. Men who looked at photographs of blonde women scored lower on the tests than men shown images of brunettes and redheads.

Researchers discovered what might be called the “bimbo delusion” by studying men’s ability to complete general knowledge tests after exposure to different women. The academics found that men’s scores fell after they were shown pictures of blondes.

Further analysis convinced the team that, rather than simply being distracted by the flaxen hair, those who performed poorly had been unconsciously driven by social stereotypes to “think blonde”.

“This proves that people confronted with stereotypes generally behave in line with them,” said Thierry Meyer, joint author of the study and professor of social psychology at the University of Paris X-Nanterre. “In this case blondes have the potential to make people act in a dumber way, because they mimic the unconscious stereotype of the dumb blonde.”

But are men really "talking down" to blondes or is it something more sinister?

Michelle Collins, the blonde-haired former EastEnders actress, suspected the results were more to do with men’s approach to sex than intelligence. “I don’t think it’s to do with hair at all; it’s all about the breasts,” she said.

So let's recap: the rapid evolution and adaptation by males is all because we want to get laid--especially by blondes because we think they're easier to bed because they're stupid.

Eh, so be it. It's not like this is news to anybody, particularly women (although, somebody may need to spell it out for the blondes of the world. But be sure to use small words and brightly colored pictures. Maybe a flannelgraph will help.).

Come on Spaghetti Monster!

From MSNBC:

Indeed, the tale of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its followers cuts to the heart of the one of the thorniest questions in religious studies: What defines a religion? Does it require a genuine theological belief? Or simply a set of rituals and a community joining together as a way of signaling their cultural alliances to others?

A great read that asks a simple question about the origin of religion: am I part of something bigger?

Lucas Johnston, the third Florida student, argues the Flying Spaghetti Monsterism exhibits at least some of the traits of a traditional religion _ including, perhaps, that deep human need to feel like there's something bigger than oneself out there.

He recognized the point when his neighbor, a militant atheist who sports a pro-Darwin bumper sticker on her car, tried recently to start her car on a dying battery.

As she turned the key, she murmured under her breath: "Come on Spaghetti Monster!"

And may you be touched by His noodly appendage. Ramen.

"Ask Your Doctor if Getting Off Your Ass Is Right for You"

Because he's a way better writer than I can even dream to be, here's a post I'm taking from Lou Schuler and his terrific blog:

I nominate Bill Maher to head up the FDA under the next administration:

If you believe you need to take all the pills the pharmaceutical industry says you do, then you're already on drugs.

Yes, it's that time in the campaign where all the candidates are presenting their health care proposals. Hillary's covers children's teeth. Edwards has one that includes maintaining gorgeous, shiny hair and Barack Obama's involves going on Oprah, and everyone gets a gastric bypass!

But, none of the plans address the real problem. We won't stop being sick until we stop making ourselves sick. Because -- because there is a point where even the most universal government health program can't help you. They can't outlaw unhealthy food or alcohol or cigarettes. Just pot, sadly.

Because, you see, the government isn't your nanny. They're your dealer. And they subsidize illness in America. They have to. There's too much money in it. You see, there's no money in healthy people. And there's no money in dead people. The money is in the middle. People who are alive, sort of -- but with one or more chronic conditions that puts them in need of Celebrex or Nasonex or Valtrex or Lunesta. Fifty years ago, children didn't even get Type 2 Diabetes. Now, it's an emerging epidemic. As are a long list of ailments which used to be rare, and have now been "mainstreamed."

Things like asthma and autism and acid reflux, and arthritis, allergies, adult acne, attention deficit disorder. And that's just the "A's."

Doesn't anybody wonder why we live with all this illness? I'll tell you why. At the L.A. County Fair last week, they were serving something called "Fried Coke." Now, my first thought was, gosh, what a waste of a perfectly good "Eight Ball." But, no, they actually pour the Coca-Cola syrup into a deep fryer.

Then put it in a cup and top it with sugar and whipped cream, and a cherry, because, you know, fruit is good for you.

Would it really be that much more unhealthy to get molested by one of the carnies?

In Hillary Clinton's health plan, the words "nutrition" and "exercise" appear once. The word "drugs" 14 times. Just as the pharmaceutical companies want it. You know, their ad weasels love to say, "When diet and exercise fail ... " Well, diet and exercise don't fail. A fact brought home last week by a new Duke University study that showed exercise -- yes, exercise -- is just as effective a cure for depression as Paxil and Zoloft.

So ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you!

You know, if Republicans can sell the idea of preemptive war, Democrats have to at least get us interested in the idea of preventive medicine. Someone has to stand up and say that the answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach. Okay, not spinach. Turns out that crap'll kill you. But you know what I mean!

Thanks for the Hope, Coach Hep. You Will Be Missed.

From the Indy Star: IU football coach Hoeppner dies

I was surprised and saddened to learn today that Indiana University football coach Terry Hoeppner, who had been battling brain cancer, has died at the age of 59.

As a Hoosier Fan in Texas, it was hard to follow along with what was happening during Coach Hep's first months. I remember a visit to Bloomington to see my parents and seeing billboards and signs with Hep posed as Uncle Sam calling on the students to support the team. I thought it was great but pessimistic that it would help much.

It did. Coach Hep got me.

While his 9-14 doesn't look all that impressive, he may go down in IU history as one of the program's best coaches. His passion for the game rubbed off on his players, the students, the alumni, and me. When available on TV (and surprisingly, I was watching IU football on TV), I could see IU football playing with more aggression and fun over the past two years. Yeah, the team still lost lots of games, but I could see a change occurring, one that gave me hope for the future, hope that at the very least, IU would be competitive in every game.

Here are a couple of items that sum up Coach Hep:

From the Official press release:

Hoeppner made an immediate impact in his first year at the helm of the Hoosier program. In addition to leading Indiana to its first 4-1 start since 1994, Hoeppner rejuvenated an IU fan base that enjoyed a 39-percent increase in per-game attendance, a 46-percent increase in overall season ticket sales and a 110-percent increase in student season ticket sales.

He not only helped generate a buzz about Indiana football, but he and his staff also installed an aggressive, big-play defense to go along with an exciting spread offense that threw a school-record 24 touchdown passes.

Furthermore, Hoeppner helped establish new IU football traditions. Two hours prior to each home game, fans and players engaged in "The Walk," as Indiana coaches and players marched through the tailgating areas en route to the "crimson gates" at Memorial Stadium. Hoeppner also dubbed Memorial Stadium "The Rock," a nod to the stadium's limestone construction. A three-ton remnant from the original stadium construction was placed near the north end zone, as the IU coaches now challenge the Hoosiers to "defend the rock." Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, the coaches and players join The Marching Hundred band to sing the school fight song after every home victory.

From Brian Janosch, 21, an Indiana University senior and former sports editor at the student newspaper The Indiana Daily Student:

In one year, just one year, he turned the attitude around here from "Who cares," to "You know what, maybe there's a chance." And that's all we could ask for having not visited a bowl game in more than a decade.

Thanks for the memories, the fun, and the hope, Coach Hep. You will be missed.

Now That's A Boost

From MSNBC.com: Man blames health drink for unwanted erection

NEW YORK - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

Woods’ court papers say he woke up the next morning “with an erection that would not subside” and sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.

So Woods' wood wouldn't go away, eh? This poor fellow underwent surgery to implant a Winter shunt to move blood from one area to another. When that didn't work, he had a penile artery embolization to close off some blood flow to prevent continued engorgement and lessen the likelihood of an erection.

I wonder how long he's had this problem? Since June 5, 2004? Surgery seems so drastic. Couldn't the guy have just hired a few hookers to take care of the problem?

The Difference

The Difference

The difference between a champion and a loser is in the mindset. Champions welcome pain. Losers avoid it at all costs. Champions seek out challenges. Losers have an aversion to challenges. A champion embraces grueling workouts that push his mind and willpower to the brink. A loser sits quietly on a leg extension machine and reads the latest issue of Us magazine.

-- Chad Waterbury

Kind of sounds like my blogging, doesn't it?

Great New Weight Loss Products

Random blog fodder touting the benefits of terrific new weight loss products.

As you can see on CNN...
Here is piece of spam I received at work the other day. I did not edit this:

Anatrim – The latest and most fascinating product for over-weight people is now available – As you could see on CNN

Do you realize excessive body kilograms kill a plenty of people for every new year? We know that you hate the ugly appearance of those people and the low status they have in modern society. Moreover, you have not the will to withstand pressure of your pernicious eating habits. If it all sounds familiar, then we got something to propose to you!

We’re proudly introduce you Anatrim, the later product for the reduction of your body’s extra weight. The most astonishing thing is that Anatrim improves the quality of your life, repressing the feeling of hunger and giving you gay spirit. Here are what people say on this product:

"It is wonderful! I stopped gorging any food close at hand and watching TV constantly I became keen on exercise. Anatrim put me back on the right path. I have a great form now and there are lots of men following me with their eyes!
"Victoria K., Bellevue WA:

"Passive weight losing was of no result to me. I could not restrain my ravenous appetite. One day I heard about Anatrim from my very best friend and I was really impressed at the information. I had tried to use it, and my wife said I look very good now, 3 months later. 26 pounds have gone away and I keep losing them! And you know, the bedroom thing is cool, too."
Mike Brown, New York

Anatrim helps you to understand you got no such great need for that much food. It raises your spirit, supplies you with energy, and attacks useless kilos. Especial thanks to its powerful distinguished formula!!

"And you know, the bedroom thing is cool, too!" What bedroom thing? Sleeping?

Wake Up With Happy Smiley George
Now here's a product I would like to see:

I'm Pretty Sinful

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 60%

Envy: 20%

Greed: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Pride: 0%

Sloth: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You'll die from overexertion. *wink*

How Sinful Are You?

What's On My Coffee Cup Today

The Way I See It #209:

Growing up, my parents always said, "You will leave this world the same way you came into it: with nothing." It made me realize that the only things we do in this world that count are those things that make the world a better place for those who will come behind us.

--Tyrone B. Hayes
Biologist, herpetologist and National Geographic Emerging Explorer.

Is Golf As Good As Sex?

I know for many that golf is akin to a religious experience. But is it really as good as sex? I'll let you be the judge based on this e-mail I got from a friend describing her most recent trip to the links:

I really have to liken a good round of golf to something you enjoy doing.

Got paired up with some 40ish-year-old guy. Gave him a good spanking.

My driving was smooth and repetitive. As well as long.

My short game: I was caressing those shots right in.

My putting: In the hole every time.

Yup. It is just like riding a bicycle. You just need to hop back on and go for it. Not bad for a four-month layoff.

Aahhh. Now I need a cigarette. :)

You and me both. Whew.

Happy Lupercalia!

I'm going to admit right now that I'm stealing all this from the great Lou Schuler's blog. Here's a fascinating bit about the true origins of Valentine's Day:

February occurred later on the ancient Roman calendar than it does today so Lupercalia was held in the spring and regarded as a festival of purification and fertility. Each year on February 15, the Luperci priests gathered on Palantine Hill at the cave of Lupercal. Vestal virgins brought sacred cakes made from the first ears of last year's grain harvest to the fig tree. Two naked young men, assisted by the Vestals, sacrificed a dog and a goat at the site. The blood was smeared on the foreheads of the young men and then wiped away with wool dipped in milk.

The youths then donned loincloths made from the skin of the goat and led groups of priests around the pomarium, the sacred boundary of the ancient city, and around the base of the hills of Rome. The occasion was happy and festive. As they ran about the city, the young men lightly struck women along the way with strips of the goat hide. It is from these implements of purification, or februa, that the month of February gets its name. This act supposedly provided purification from curses, bad luck, and infertility.

Long after Palentine Hill became the seat of the powerful city, state and empire of Rome, the Lupercalia festival lived on. Roman armies took the Lupercalia customs with them as they invaded France and Britain. One of these was a lottery where the names of available maidens were placed in a box and drawn out by the young men. Each man accepted the girl whose name he drew as his love -- for the duration of the festival, or sometimes longer.

As Christianity began to slowly and systematically dismantle the pagan pantheons, it frequently replaced the festivals of the pagan gods with more ecumenical celebrations. It was easier to convert the local population if they could continue to celebrate on the same days ... they would just be instructed to celebrate different people and ideologies.

Lupercalia, with its lover lottery, had no place in the new Christian order. In the year 496 AD, Pope Gelasius did away with the festival of Lupercalia, citing that it was pagan and immoral. He chose Valentine as the patron saint of lovers, who would be honored at the new festival on the fourteenth of every February. The church decided to come up with its own lottery and so the feast of St. Valentine featured a lottery of Saints. One would pull the name of a saint out of a box, and for the following year, study and attempt to emulate that saint.

Lou's entire post is a great history lesson. I always enjoy learning about the true origins of supposedly "Christian" holidays and just how pagan they really are. This line is the magic bullet for me as to how early Christianity was able to spread so rapidly:

It was easier to convert the local population if they could continue to celebrate on the same days ... they would just be instructed to celebrate different people and ideologies.

Embracing the pagan origins of these holidays makes them easier for me to enjoy. Christmas has always been difficult for me, even when I was a Christian, until I fully understood the origins of the holiday and threw out the religious crap. Now I can enjoy all my holidays without all the religious hang ups.

Now let's see, where did I put that loin cloth and februa? Any maidens out there who wish to be purified on this fine Lupercalia?

Metallica is My Messiah

Gimme fuel
Gimme fire
Gimme that which I desire

Okay, maybe not my messiah but certainly my savior today. If it weren't for the words and music of "Fuel" by Metallica I would not have survived my sprints (Seven 30-second sprints with 90 seconds rest). I had to play that song twice to pull through the last two.

Oh, on I burn
Fuel is pumping engines
Burning hard
Loose and clean

Oh, and on I burn
Churning my direction
Quench my thirst with gasoline

So gimme fuel
Gimme fire
Gimme that which I desire

I had not sprinted for a couple of months but had done many slow and steady runs or intervals with longer intensity periods (90 seconds on/180 seconds rest). Today was so warm that I took off my shirt. Had I been in a public place I surely would have blinded many with my pasty white flesh. And I was served a reminder as to how much further I have to go in accomplishing my body composition goals as I felt the remaining fat around my belly wiggle while sprinting. I'll take motivation from any corner.

Motivation for what? My 10 Percent Solution. I'll have more on that in another post, but essentially this is series of obtainable goals I've set for myself in 2007, culminating in reaching an overall body fat of ten percent (I'm currently carrying a 15 percent body fat after dropping seven points in 2006).

After finally regaining my health after a two month battle with an upper respitory plague thing, I'm currently in the middle of week two of my four-week ramp up program prior to starting my 10 Percent Solution.

This is going to be challenging and fun. I hope to learn a bit about myself as well.

On I burn.

COLTS ARE SUPER BOWL CHAMPS

I can't say much more than that, can I? It was a great win for the Colts. They were the team that overcame the elements and the pressure to win this game. They were clearly the better team. My condolences to the Grossman family over the death of his QB career in Chicago. His mistakes aside, Manning and company played a terrific game. The true MVPs of the game were Addai and Rhodes for running over and through the Bears defense, getting key yards and massive games when they needed them the most. Actually, the whole team deserves the award. Way to go Colts!

On a more serious note, the Indianapolis Public Schools system closed it schools today because "a number" of bus drivers called in sick. Read more about this mysterious bus driver plague here.

Time to Get Totally Organic

I wish I was talking about sex but alas I'm not. I'm referring to a brand new reason to buy organic meats and dairy products:

When the government approves food from cloned animals, expected in the next year, the Food and Drug Administration doesn’t plan special labels. Government scientists have found no difference between clones and conventional cows, pigs or goats.

However, shoppers won’t be completely in the dark. To help them sort through meat and dairy products, one signal is the round, green USDA organic seal, says Caren Wilcox, who heads the Organic Trade Association.

While many people choose organic to avoid pesticides or antibiotics, Wilcox says the U.S. Department of Agriculture label also means clone-free.

I've been slowly making the move to purchase more organic foods from stores like Whole Foods. It's pretty price competitive and the grain-fed beef is to die for, but I still fall into the trap of one store shopping while buying staples from Kroger. I have all my coupons and sometimes to save more money I need to buy a minimum dollar amount of goods.

I'm not sure how I feel about eating cloned critters yet. In theory, I can't see how meat would be different. I'm more surprised with how quickly the FDA has approved this process. So while the long-term results of eating cloned animals plays itself out in the public, I'll be looking for the USDA organic label on all my goods.

Besides, I don't see the need yet to buy organically produced, over-priced toilet paper. Isn't my crap organic enough?

I'm a Happy Hoosier

The Colts are in the Super Bowl and the Hoosiers upset the number two ranked team in the country last night.

I'm a happy Hoosier this week.

SUPER AT LAST

COLTS SUPER BOWL BOUND

Enough said. For now. I'm going to cry with joy now.

Doublechin Gum

"We hit on the idea of a chewing gum because obese people like chewing."

So says lead researcher, Professor Steve Bloom, on why he and his team thought of chewing gum as a delivery method for a drug based on a natural gut hormone that mimics the body's "feeling full" response. From BBC News:

The hormone in question is called pancreatic polypeptide (PP), which the body produces after every meal to ensure eating does not run out of control.

There is evidence that some people have more of the hormone than others, and becoming overweight reduces the levels produced.

A vicious circle then results, causing appetite to increase, an inability to resist the temptation of food, and further increases in weight. Early tests have shown moderate doses of the hormone, pancreatic polypeptide (PP), can reduce the amount of food eaten by healthy volunteers by 15% to 20%.

An inability to resist the temptation of food? Even when I'm eating totally to plan, I still get cravings for junk food or processed carbs. Hell, ice cream talks to me on a daily basis. And I would consider myself somebody with normal levels of PP.

(Cue Beavis & Butthead: Heh heh heh heh. Normal levels of pee pee.)

Given all that, I still managed to lose seven percentage points of body fat over the course of 2006 by eating smart and exercising. Yet I still had, and periodically gave into, my cravings. I bring all this up to say I seriously doubt that any kind of PP derived treatment will help somebody lose weight effectively. Cravings occur whether one is hungry or not.

And after all, obese people like to chew. The tricky part is being smart about what, and when, they chew. Hopefully it's good food and not Doublechin gum.

Heading to The Great Scooby Snack in the Sky

Rest in peace, Iwao Takamoto. Thanks for creating one of the greatest cartoon icons of the last 50 years and setting my imagination, and subsequently my daughter's, on fire with the adventures of a talking dog.

From MSNBC: ‘Scooby-Doo’ cartoonist dies at 81.
But it was his creation of Scooby-Doo, the cowardly dog with an adventurous heart, that captivated audiences and endured for generations.

Takamoto said he created Scooby-Doo after talking with a Great Dane breeder and named him after Frank Sinatra’s final phrase in “Strangers in the Night.”

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, my friend. Scooby-Dooby-Doo.

Reading Diet Articles Linked to Eating Disorders

This is one of those things in life that in hind site seem so obvious that it's surprising when you finally hear somebody with scientific credentials publish it:

Reading diet articles linked to eating disorders
From MSNBC: Magazine headlines entice teenage girls with promises like, “Get the body you want!” or “Hit your dream weight now!”

But a new study suggests reading articles about diet and weight loss could have unhealthy consequences later.

Teenage girls who frequently read magazine articles about dieting were more likely five years later to practice extreme weight-loss measures such as vomiting than girls who never read such articles, the University of Minnesota study found.

The study didn't mention any of the magazines the teenagers read. However, one magazine is mentioned:

Nathan Christopher, a spokesman for Seventeen magazine, said health is important to the magazine’s readers. He wouldn’t comment specifically on the study because it was unclear which magazines the teenagers read.

“We have always featured information to help them lead healthy lives, including fitness tips, first-person health stories, and nutrition facts. Promoting a healthy body image is a priority, so each issue of Seventeen features teens with realistic body types,” he said.

In January, Seventeen magazine and its Web site will kick off a yearlong program called “New Body, New You,” which will feature expert advice on nutrition, health and fitness topics, he said.

The celebrity endorser for this "challenge" is JoJo, a teenage superstar singer who obviously doesn't need to lose any weight. When you take a peek at her blog entry for December, she writes that she looks to Beyoncé Knowles as a role model because she "she runs on the treadmill every day so that she can keep up her stamina onstage." According to JoJo, Beyoncé is an inspiration because "her body is absolutely beautiful, and she's healthy, too."

You won't get any arguement from me that Beyoncé is a fine looking woman. She seems to have all the right curves in all the right places. But is she really healthy? This is the same Beyoncé who claims to have lost 20 pounds by consuming a concoction made up of maple syrup, lemon juice, water, and cayenne pepper (more here). Way to pick your healthy role models, JoJo. She's not inspirational, she's merely genetically gifted and a celebrity with an army of stylists at her disposal to make her look great all the time.

You want a role model? Try professional athletes, those whose careers and livelihood depend on the performance of their bodies...not their appearance.

I've got a daughter and I'm constantly on the lookout for the kind of negative messages being fed women of all ages. I do my best not to focus on the physical appearance of her body but on what her body can do. I also teach her how unhealthy foods can hold her back as far as exercise and play goes as opposed to making her overweight. It's a fine line to walk but she's worth it.

Global Warming is Real

Despite the claims of the current administration and its shaky and disputable "evidence" to the contrary, global warming is real--and taking another scary step forward:

From MSNBC.com: Ancient ice shelf breaks free in Canadian Arctic
TORONTO - A giant ice shelf has snapped free from an island south of the North Pole, scientists said Thursday, citing climate change as a “major” reason for the event.

The Ayles Ice Shelf — all 41 square miles of it — broke clear 16 months ago from the coast of Ellesmere Island, about 500 miles south of the North Pole in the Canadian Arctic.

As I read about this event, I was reminded about a series of excellent articles written about how mankind is pushing the Earth's oceans to the brink and published in Mother Jones magazine. If you have the time, they are worth the read if only to educate yourself on how complex and intricate the oceans are. You can find them here.

And if you want to read some good stuff about other factors on global warming, go here.

OJ Shows Us All What's What

This simply defies all logic, common sense, and decency:

From MSNBC.com: Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses “how he would have committed” the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.

The two-part interview, titled “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened,” will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said.

Why? I mean...why? It's impossible to imagine his thought process. He must have some kind of undiagnosed mental illness or delusion. There can be no other explanation why an acquitted murderer would go on national TV and discuss how he would have killed his ex-wife and her friend if he did it.

Here's a funny way to describe this madness:

Hypothetically, let’s say you murdered two people in the early 90’s. Then, hypothetically, a jury of your peers found you Not Guilty despite damning DNA evidence and an alibi with more holes in it than an old pair of gym socks. Hypothetically, let’s say that regardless of the verdict, everybody still suspects you did it (oh, side note: hypothetically, you were one hell of a running back in the NFL, but that’s besides the point.) Wouldn’t you, hypothetically, write a book about how you would’ve done it (if you did it), and appear in a TV special titled If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened. You would, right? Hypothetically.

Well, O.J. would. And he is, during a two-part interview scheduled to air on Fox. Their website already has a killer sneak peek, with O.J. declaring “I don’t think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood,” before breaking down in tears. Hypothetical tears, I think.

So set your TIVO’s for November 27 & 29. Fox has dubbed it “the interview that will shake the nation.” Because “the interview that will sneak up on the nation and stab them numerous times” would be just a little too much. Hypothetically.

Didn't OJ at one point say that he would devote all his time and money to finding the real killer? Maybe this is his way of saying he found the guy--hypothetically.

The "Secret" to Fat Loss

Here's a little blurb by Alwyn Cosgrove I picked from T-Nation.com:

I can vividly remember doing a photo shoot at our gym with a male client who'd lost 85 pounds of fat and now had a six-pack to show for his efforts. My own gym members came up and asked me what his "secret" was. There is no secret! They seemed to think I'd given him the "real" information and had withheld it from them! He's been given the same advice as I give to everyone else — he just chose to follow it a little more closely. Fat loss isn't under the control of the magic fat loss fairies. It's based on simple changes in behavior.

Pretty simple, eh? Be sure to check out his blog for some of the best fitness advice and knowledge available.

Resurrecting the 80's

A couple of weeks ago, I resurrected Taco's video for "Puttin on the Ritz." Thanks to YouTube, I can raise all sorts of songs from the dead. I give you "One Foot Back in Your Door" by Roman Holiday. Enjoy.

The New American Family

Tonight I enjoyed some dinner with my daughter at Posado's. On our way to the ice cream machine for some self-serve softserve, we passed by a family of five: two parents and three boys. I'm guessing the boy's ages ran from 7 to 12 or 13. So while the parents were eating and talking, the boys were all engaged with their Nintendo Gameboys. Just to be clear, these boys were not taking turns with one Gameboy. Each had their own!

What a wonderful family night out. Way to go mom and dad. You can pat yourselves on the back for getting everybody to the dinner table and spending some quality time together.

What A Pisser

VIENNA, Austria - An Austrian businessman announced Thursday that he would get rid of urinals shaped like a woman's mouth from a public toilet near Vienna's national opera, after facing pressure from politicians who demanded their removal.

The urinals, which are located in the "Opera Toilet," a lavishly decorated public restroom, feature thick, lipsticked lips, a set of teeth and a bright red tongue.

"We think that it's tasteless, misogynistic and offensive," Marianne Lackner, media spokeswoman for the Vienna Department of Women's Affairs told The Associated Press. (full article)

What's ironic is that these urinals have been in place for three years. Only now has somebody raised a stink about them.

This is a telling quote: "The thing that surprises us the most," Lackner said, "is that no man has ever said anything about this."

Tasteless? Yeah. Kinda. Misogynistic? Debatable. Offensive? I can see that.

So why do I want one?

Three Reasons Why I'm A Happy Hoosier

Gordon Commits to Hoosiers: Prize recruit breaks promise with Illinois, stays home
From SI.com:

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) -- Eric Gordon let his wardrobe and father do the talking Friday night. It was enough to whip an already excitable Hoosiers crowd into a frenzy.

As he walked across the Assembly Hall court dressed in a cream-and-crimson warmup suit, fans chanted his name, sought autographs and snapped photos after news spread that the state's top recruit was staying close to home.

Gordon backed out of his 11-month commitment to the Fighting Illini, giving Kelvin Sampson his first major victory of the season hours before the Hoosiers held their first official practice.

Eric Gordon is the number two-ranked recruit on Scouts.com and the number one guard. He was also the number one recruit coming out of Indiana. It was essential that IU land some in-state talent, a skill which eluded former coach Mike Davis. And one Davis left, Gordon felt Sampson and IU was the better match and allowed him to finally fulfill his dream.

Personally, I'll wait until November 8 when Gordon finally signs his name on the dotted line, but his verbal commitment to IU has fans dreaming of another national championship. I'm certainly dreaming of better things to come.

Indiana Shocks #15 Iowa
From ESPN.com:

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) -- Indiana waited nearly two decades to party like this. So why worry about another 20 seconds?

Players stormed the field and fireworks went off before the Hoosiers' biggest upset in almost 20 years was official, but there was nothing premature about Saturday's stunning 31-28 upset over No. 15 Iowa.

As officials spotted the ball for the final time, the scoreboard clock was at 22 seconds and with the Hawkeyes out of timeouts, all that remained was a celebration of the Hoosiers' biggest win since beating No. 9 Ohio State 31-10 on Oct. 10, 1987.

I got a chance to watch this game on ESPN2. I couldn't believe how into the game I was. Not since the bowl-bound days of the late 80's when I attended IU have I been this excited about a sport that traditionally has registered nothing more than intramural status in the minds of students. Now, with Coach Terry Hoeppner leading the way and a redshirt freshman running the show, the Hoosiers could be looking at it's first bowl game in more than a decade. The only hiccup could be the fact they lost to a Division I-AA opponent this season. But maybe, just maybe, IU will be the answer to a trivia question instead of having to wait yet another year for a bowl berth.

The Basketball Season Officially Started Saturday, October 14, 2006

From the Indiana Daily Student:

"I'm anxious to start practice tomorrow," Sampson said Friday night before he and his team took the floor. "When your season ends the previous year, you are at such a loss because you don't have a game to get ready for...I'm anxious to get started. (I'm) really excited about this team. I'm pleased with the way they've attacked preseason conditioning. These kids have worked hard, and they are going to work a whole lot harder starting tomorrow."

This is usually a great time of the year. However, with a new chapter of Hoosier basketball starting this year, I have mucho excitement and optimism heading into this season. But it's not all because of what I will get to see as a fan while watching the game. It's because of this:

But Sampson's not interested in the sounds of thousands of screaming fans inside his stadium. Not yet, anyway.

He's too excited about other sounds. Those of whistle blows, basketball dribbles and his players huffing and puffing in the quiet comfort of an Assembly Hall practice.

The Hoosiers are getting back to basics and playing hard-nosed basketball after six years of prima donna pampering. I would love to watch these practices now that Touch Every Line is the new team motto. And that's just for practice!

I must say that the state of Hoosier Nation is pretty good after such an eventful weekend.

Waking Up to Davis's Suckiness

I’ve dedicated a fair amount of blog space to criticizing former Indiana University head basketball coach Mike Davis. And for good reason--he sucked. But you don’t have to take my word for it anymore. Here’s a telling quote from junior guard A.J. Ratliff (emphasis mine):

From the Indianapolis Star:
Ratliff said the discipline is something IU lacked. Now it appears the days of stars like Bracey Wright or Marco Killingsworth doing whatever they please on the court are over.

“If Coach Sampson would have had a hold of Marco (Killingsworth), I think he would have been incredible,” Ratliff said. “But that was something last year’s team lacked, was discipline. Coach Sampson is heavy on that. He doesn’t care who you are. It could be D.J. (White), and he’s going to get on you. Last year, anybody could say anything and (former) coach (Mike) Davis might kick him out for a day, but he’d be back the next day. I think that’s different this year.”

Might kick the player out? Might???

Welcome back to the real world, guys. Just the title of the article ("Workouts wake up IU players") should put a nail in the coffin that was Mike Davis’s coaching ability. And it’s refreshing to see his former players waking up and throwing him under the bus after all the times he refused to accept any responsibility for his crappy coaching. Plus, Ratliff did it in a very tactful way. Bravo, A.J.

Midnight Madness starts tomorrow. The first official practice takes place the next day.

College basketball season is here, people. Life is good.

I Am Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

I'm a Dorky Child of the 80's

This morning, I’m cruising down the highway with the wind in my hair. It’s such a beautiful morning that the windows HAD to be down. I’ve got the radio cranked as high as it can go. I’m listening to Mix 102.9 as it’s playing hit from 1983.

Suddenly, Taco’s rendition of Irving Berlin’s Puttin' on the Ritz comes on. I’m ecstatic. If the radio could go louder, I would have cranked it even louder. I’m “singing” along with Taco. TACO!!

And still singing when I pull through the toll booth and stop at a traffic signal. The song conveniently ends right when I pull into my garage.

That was fun.

I’m such a dork. And proud of it.

The Daily Show as Substantive as Network News

It's no joke: IU study finds The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to be as substantive as network news:

"It is clearly a humor show, first and foremost," Fox said of Stewart's program. "But there is some substance on there, and in some cases, like John Edwards announcing his candidacy, the news is made on the show. You have real newsmakers coming on, and yes, sometimes the banter and questions get a little silly, but there is also substantive dialogue going on … It's a legitimate source of news."

This is where I go to get the straight poop on the hot button topics of the day. This is also where I go to laugh my ass off. It's win/win!

No Nudes Is Good News

If Texas isn't now officially the big, shiny, obnoxious belt buckle of the Bible Belt, it surely moved one notch closer with this load of crap.

From Truth Dig:

A fifth-grade teacher is out of a job after leading a class through an art museum in Dallas. One of her students saw nude art; the student's parent complained; the teacher is suspended. Even crazier: Local TV stations are blacking out Greek sculpture genitalia during newscasts.

Here's the link to the full New York Times article.

Although the tour had been approved by the principal, and the 89 students were accompanied by 4 other teachers, at least 12 parents and a museum docent, Ms. McGee said, she was called to the principal the next day and "bashed."

She later received a memorandum in which the principal, Nancy Lawson, wrote: "During a study trip that you planned for fifth graders, students were exposed to nude statues and other nude art representations." It cited additional complaints, which Ms. McGee has challenged.

The school board suspended her with pay on Sept. 22.

It just makes me want to poke the eyes out of the parents. Can't people, specifically conservative Christians, finally get a healthy view about human sexuality? Obviously, these people need to listen to a sermon by this guy.

Loosen up people. What's next? Banning children from viewing the Mona Lisa? I mean, look at how she's smiling. She was clearly up to no good.